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Have you read this ?
| Message Board > General Chitchat > Have you read this ? |
| XY-SATAN | 'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING Wednesday March 19, 2003 By CHAD KULTGEN NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256! Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider. "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources." The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation. When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment." In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands." Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. - Sat, 26 Apr 2003 6:24pm | ||
| crow | wow, weird makes you think though hmmmmm. - Sat, 26 Apr 2003 6:39pm | ||
| Anonymous | Found this at slashdot: This is an interesting story, and there are several things we should note about it. First of all, it's posted in the "Entertainment News & Gossip" section of Yahoo! TV. That should be a fairly big give away. Second this guy allegedly got arrested January 28th, yet no major news outlet has picked the story up. With those pieces of information let's look at the story. The story claims this guy made $350 million dollars in two weeks with only an $800 dollar investment by making 126 high-risk trades. It also alleges that he came out a winner every time. The article then leads you to believe the SEC thinks it's insider trading and that his story about being from the future is obviously false. Yet any person with reasonable intelligence will realize that even with insider information, there is no way someone could make 126 "high-risk" trades and come out on top every time. To have a record that perfect someone would need foreknowledge. The article appears to be trying to persuade us that the man had insider knowledge, yet when you evaluate the story at face value you walk away thinking "no way, insider information isn't *that* good. He *must* be from the future". The major problems with this story though lie in the basic facts: 1. There is no Andrew Carlssin being investigated by the SEC 2. The SEC does not have police powers and cannot arrest people 3. The alleged high risk trades didn't take place 4. There is in fact no record of *any* of the events mentioned I could go on and on, however there is absolutely no solid factual information to back this story up. I saw this article a few days before April 1st, so I thought it was some type of elaborate April fools day joke, but I wanted to put it to rest once and for all, so I called the SEC Public Relations office. They said the article is completely made up and has no basis in fact. It's not even based on an actual investigation. Of course we knew all this because this story is posted in the "Gossip" section though. - Sat, 26 Apr 2003 6:57pm | ||
| Jedi | I would have believed it. I came back from the future as well and was giving to a young couple to raise. There was an earthquake and explosion the night I arrived. My time machine destroyed. I am working on a new one using sound frequency, gravity, and astrology. - Sat, 26 Apr 2003 9:02pm | ||
| crow | hey jedi do you know what year your from? - Sat, 26 Apr 2003 10:29pm | ||
| Jedi | 3,713 AD - Sun, 27 Apr 2003 1:35am | ||
| Anonymous | also the fact that it mentions that it is written by the weekly world news - Sun, 27 Apr 2003 2:04am | ||
| Anonymous | I came back from the future and got laid ALOT! - Sun, 27 Apr 2003 2:12am | ||
| Andrew Carlssin (worst time traveller in history) | I knew you were going to say that ! Buy shares in ENRON !! Or was that ***put name here *** ! - Sun, 27 Apr 2003 4:33am | ||
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