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Can a kid decide ?
| Message Board > Controversy and Quarantine > Can a kid decide ? |
| Ken User Info... | My 11 year old daughter (who lives in Parksville) wishes to spend the summer here in Vic. Her Mother objects to this and suggests that she is being cohearsed by myself and by my girlfriend, which is not the case.....She just simply wants to hang with Dad. Q: Can a kid decide which parent they want to live or stay with? Q: If your parents split up wouldn't you/or did you and when could you decide to reside with the parent of your choice? I'm not looking for a custody battle....Just for my child's right to have an opportunity to have choices. - Thu, 8 Jul 2004 11:05pm | ||
| Russian User Info... | Ken, At the age of eight the child has a legal right to choose which parent he/she would like to stay with. I would suggest that you converse with the other parent to ensure that the child is not playing one parent against the other eg... the child thinks the house rules are to harsh in her usual residence... If this isn't the case then I would invite the child to your home. It is positive that the child wants to spend time with you and if it is for the summer it will not effect the childs regular school schedule. If the other parent will not allow the child to go to you freely then the best interests of the child is not being met. Your options are to exercise your rights to have a 1 month unrestricted summer access to your child. (this is standard court issued access for a child of 11 years of age) after the month access period it will be easier for the child to call the other parent and let them know that she/he is not ready to come home yet. The other option is for you to make a simple application to the courts for a change of primary residence and a affidavit or court apperance would be enough for any judge to award this change. I would suggest to you to do what you can to accomidate the childs request. I would suggest you have a humble conversation with your past partner about this and let her feel that she is making the decision for your child to come to you. If you can't reason with her over a short period of time you can have a short court application done with in a week. The information needed for this application can be found on the web and does not require a lawyer to have a positive result as long as you do you home work. Good luck. - Fri, 9 Jul 2004 3:57am | ||
| Ken User Info... | Thanks Russian !....Unfortunatley my kids mom isn't a very humble person, as much as I would like to avoid the courts thats where we will end up. I'm not very web savvy so if anyone knows related sites to these issues please let me know. - Fri, 9 Jul 2004 9:19am | ||
| Shaggy User Info... | Best place to start would be the BC Family Law site. http://www.familylaw.lss.bc.ca/ - Fri, 9 Jul 2004 9:49am | ||
| Demen Ted User Info... | Fuck! I was 11 not too long ago, my brother is 11.. She should take my advice: Let the kid stay where she wants. Honestly, 11 year olds are not stupid as you may think , and they can EASILY decide who they want to live with (especially if its only a while during the SUMMER) Keeping your kids from their mom or dad (with exceptions of alchohalic white trash child beatin old lady molesting jerks) is a fucking TERRIBLE thing to do to anyone. My parents have tried pitting me against them to fight their battles for a long time, and fuck them. My mom is especially bad for this; she still makes snide remarks directed at my dad every chance she gets. She tried to keep me from spending more than the occasional weekend with my dad for a long time, so she could say he doesnt want to see me and crap like that. Don't let this happen to your kid, it is severely detrimental in almost every way, especially if her mom has no husband/boyfriend to stand in as a father figure, but if she does, I'm sure that thats not too reassuring to know your kid is being raised by some prick you dont know, all the more reason to spend some real time with your kid. In short: From my personal experience, 11 year olds can decide. I find moms are much more oblivious to this fact than dads usually are, so your fighting an uphill battle, but you need to do it for your kid. Good luck, Dan Conner - Fri, 9 Jul 2004 10:48am | ||
| Russian User Info... | Ken, I had a thought that you may try prior to courts, if your partner is willing give the familly justice centre a try. They have free mediation for the purpose of resolving custody and access orders. They are there to help solve family access problems and to help both parents travel down a path that is in the best interest of the child. the way it works is that you will meet with them and they will assess your needs and then contact the other parent to begin the process. If your partner does not respond to this then your efforts to be mature, flexable and open to new ideas will be helpfull when it is time to go to court. If your past partner does engage in this program I am sure that deep down she wants what is best for the child and this governing body will get her to see the light. The Familly justice centre will show her in blunt terms what she is doing right and where she is way off base. It's almost borderline belittleing to the parent who is misinformed or unaware of the rights a child has. May be a step to try. - Fri, 9 Jul 2004 8:58pm | ||
| Fableway User Info... | my dad left my family with his secretary when i was ten. i had no choice but to go visit them as much as i wanted to stay home for the holidays. they stole my choice from me, and now i look back at holidays to be the shittiest times of the year. thanx dad! - Sat, 10 Jul 2004 11:03am | ||
| Russian User Info... | Fableway, Execelent entry, sad to hear though. Ken, A story like that one should be enough for any parent to think twice about your perticular sinario. Cut and paste Fableway's entry and send it to her. Better yet give her this web site and let me talk to her. - Sat, 10 Jul 2004 8:46pm | ||
| Ken User Info... | Thanks for the link Shaggy....and everyone's posts. - Sun, 11 Jul 2004 1:06pm | ||
| Autumn User Info... | why are mothers such control freaks? I say go to the courts if you have too but only if you have too, I have a friend who's mother used to tell her that because of a court order on shared custody she'd be arrested or something like that if she went to go visit her dad. they had a pretty bad relationship before that but the courts just seemed to piss her mom off more. of course your ex might just be paraniod that you're going to take her little girl away from her, so maybe you just need to reasure her (or if you're super dad move there but I know thats probably not an option). anyways good luck. - Wed, 14 Jul 2004 7:34pm | ||
| hunter User Info... | I can dance and distract the mom while you get the kid - Thu, 15 Jul 2004 8:27pm | ||
| josh User Info... | no hunter, no you cant - Fri, 16 Jul 2004 1:03am | ||
| Ken User Info... | This isn't a Tug-o-War....I just want my kid's wishes to be acknowledged, She has asked to live with me her whole life and I think she is old enough to have her say heard. - Fri, 16 Jul 2004 3:03am | ||
| kay User Info... | My parents divorced when I was eleven, and I learned all about the "system" if she's been asking to live with you, then legally she can, her mom can't stop her, I know this because my dad has been threatening to get the courts to decide that I should live with him, I brought up the law while he was doing this and he shut right up and knew he couldn't trick me into it. If your girl knows about the law then she won't be tricked into staying with one parent or the other, just make sure she knows the facts. - Fri, 16 Jul 2004 7:03pm | ||
| Autumn User Info... | you might wanna watch out for a smear campaign though, I'm pretty sure if the parent is found to be "unfit (aka the mother pulls up a bunch of old drug history and hires a duckwad feminist lawyer)" then they might award her sole custody, but if thats pretty much the sitch anyway i guess theres nothing to lose... I got very little sleep and just talked in a circle, my apologies. - Fri, 16 Jul 2004 8:27pm | ||
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