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Now, these guys are brain surgeons for sure!
| Message Board > General Chitchat > Now, these guys are brain surgeons for sure! |
| The Ref User Info... | 2003 Darwin Awards In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again,truly classic. These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of)that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, hasdone the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. Just think.. until these events, these same people were walking the streets like normal people. 5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed. ----------------------------------------------------------- 4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death. --------------------------------------------------------- 3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on a n overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hi lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. ---------------------------------------------------------- Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins)to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air. Congratulations gentlemen, you win... - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 9:51am | ||
| Korn Koiler User Info... | Hey Ref, how's it feel to have Holly shoved up your ass? - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 10:58am | ||
| Wannagig User Info... | Good one Refie! WHo the fuck is this korn hole asshole??? Get a life there poopshoot dickweed! You are one irritating asshole. Seen your stupid posts all over the place! - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 12:02pm | ||
| Rawb User Info... | That is good stuff. - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 12:12pm | ||
| Bigdog User Info... | Wasn't korndog one of the selectees for last years darwin awards??? If not, should have been. Pretty funny, sent it to my buds! - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 12:13pm | ||
| Wannagig User Info... | 2003 Darwin Awards UPDATE! In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards this year are, once again,truly classic. These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of)that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, hasdone the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. Just think.. until these events, these same people were walking the streets like normal people. 5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The 22-year old KORN KOILER was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said. KORN and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and KORN crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed. ----------------------------------------------------------- 4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to KORN KOILER, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police,KORN grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death. --------------------------------------------------------- 3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher KORN KOILER of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him on a n overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hi lips, teeth, and tongue. KORN KOILER, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. KORN was listed IN "AS STUPID AS THEY COME" condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital. KORN KOILER, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered KORNS right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and KORN would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had KORN tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. KORN admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said KORN, I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. ---------------------------------------------------------- Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) KORN KOILER and his friend, (the late) KORN KOILERS COUSIN, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. KORN, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. KORNS COUSIN)to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunate for (the late) Mr. KORN, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. KORN crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. KORNS COUSIN, seeing his IDOIT COUSIN in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found KORN under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air. Congratulations KORN KOILER, you win... - Wed, 2 Jul 7:51am - Wed, - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 1:04pm | ||
| The Ref User Info... | Good one!!! Rolls off the tongue better. Thanks Wannagigg - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 1:24pm | ||
| Zippgunn User Info... | And you guys think metal heads aren't stupid... - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 3:09pm | ||
| Korn Koiler User Info... | Look ma, Im famous. Everybody loves me! Im cooler than Zippy The Pinhead. - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 3:10pm | ||
| Korn Koiler User Info... | And for your information Mr Zippy, Korn are the greatest metal band to ever walk the earth. Puhleeese. - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 3:12pm | ||
| Wannagig User Info... | Ma?? Arent you the offspring of two ugly ass, three legged, crusty eyed mules?? - Wed, 2 Jul 2003 3:15pm | ||
| DK User Info... | I've heard the buck story and the Metallica one a few years ago. It didn't happen again did it? Nonetheless it's still hilarious. Watching a deer falling on someone's head. - Thu, 3 Jul 2003 1:12am | ||
| matt t User Info... | Actually some of those stories are completely and utterly made up, including the metallica one. Someone told me the metallica story before and I didnt believe it, so I looked it up and whoa, to my complete and utter satisfaction it wasnt true. Go to http://www.darwinawards.com to get the real ones. They even posted on there the metallica one being nothing other than an urban legend. So yeah, good try though ref. - Thu, 3 Jul 2003 2:23pm | ||
| The Ref User Info... | It was an email that I thought was funny. Just posted it for a laugh for all! True or not. LOL! Cheers! - Thu, 3 Jul 2003 2:29pm | ||
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