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131 Ways To Tell You're A Mallcore Kid
| Message Board > General Chitchat > 131 Ways To Tell You're A Mallcore Kid |
| BBJones User Info... | I'm sure this has been posted before... but here it is again... 1. Your hair is dyed a color that doesn't appear naturally in humans, and you think tattoos and piercings are "sexy." 2. "Rip," "Suck," and "Rule" are the best descriptions you can come up with for music. 3. You think ICP is funny. 4. You think Korn is a metal band. 5. When you write or type words, you do it LiKe ThIs because you think it looks ReAlLy kEwL. 6. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison. 7. You call yourself a metal fan, but when someone mentions Tom G.Warrior you just get a confused look on your face. 8. You're white, yet you wear really baggy clothes and try to come off as being hardcore. 10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthafuckin' shit." 11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync". 12. You claim to like heavy metal, yet can't name any German thrash bands. 13. You call things "the shit." 14. You own a Dr. Suess hat. 15. You think "goth" means Marilyn Manson. 16. You associate "industrial" with Prodigy instead of Skinny Puppy and Foetus. 17. You have a tribal tattoo. 18. You'd just die if Jonathan Davis touched you! 19. You think black metal bands are trying to copy KISS with their image. 20. You say things like, "Korn rulz and always will! If u dun like them you sux!" 21. You're under 20 years old and claim to like "extreme music." 22. You think the cops probably want to steal your pot. 23. Your music collection consists of less than 100 items. Most or all of these names appear in your collection: Korn, Taproot, Limp Bizkit, Fear Factory, Machine Head, Coal Chamber, System Of A Down, Downset, Soulfly, Pantera, Mudvayne, and Static-X. 24. You say some rap is good. 25. You love Incubus and don't know that there was once a Florida thrash metal band by the same name. 27. You're a 17 year old female and wear crop tops under your open ski jacket in January to show off your navel piercing. Flabby abdominal muscles do not seem to deter you, either. 28. You know who Wayne Static is and think his hair is kEwL. 29. You think Korn "revitalized heavy metal", even though the band themselves want to be disassociated with the genre. 30. You don't realize that Rob Flynn disgraces his past in Vio-lence with every passing moment he spends in Machine Head. 31. You have covered the back of your car in stickers, including at least one anarchy symbol, and one alien. 32. You think death metal is Satanic. 33. You think that by dressing, looking and talking like every other Mallcore simpleton that you're showing your individuality and expressing your uniqueness. 34. You think Fear Factory keeps getting better on every album. 35. You don't realize that Pantera ripped off Exhorder after deciding to cease and desist with glam. 36. You think that Metallica is good for a bunch of old geezers and Reload rocks!! 37. You consider the black album "old Metallica". 38. You think that Roadrunner is an underground label. 39. Best Buy meets all of your music needs. 40. You think you're on the cutting edge of music after seeing such "obscure" bands as Mushroomhead, Taproot, and Drowning Pool. 41. You learned your ebonics from Hatebreed. 42. You never experienced the torture of "Headbangers' Ball" - sitting through 2 hours and 50 minutes of White Lion, Extreme, Enuff Z Nuff and Poison to see a Kreator video. 43. You think Kid Rock is the first person to combine rap with "heavy" guitars. 44. You actually like Staind. Enough to buy it on CD. Enough to see them live. Enough to wear one of their shirts in public. 45. You say you hate the government yet can't name more than five people who actually work in the government, and one of those people is your aunt Irene that works at the DMV. 46. You don't find this rant amusing in the slightest. 47. You think your backpack goes nicely with your backwards baseball cap. 48. You think that the pictures of Coal Chamber are not at all silly, goofy, ugly, or stupid. In fact, you think at least one of the band members is really hot - even in these clothes. In fact, you dress like this every day and your parents and/or teachers give you a lot of grief about it. 49. You say things like "Korn are heavier than Iron Maiden or Judas Priest EVER were". 50. You're constantly in danger of tripping over your wallet chain. 51. You shave your eyebrows to look like that fag from Orgy. 52. You think Stormwitch, Anvil, Destruction and Blood Feast are new games for N64. 53. You think Slipknot is "The heaviest fucking band on earth, EVER. Nothing could top that, dude." 54. You think Linkin Park mosh pits are "violent." 55. Your parents hate your look but buy you your ridiculous clothes anyway because your broke ass won't. 56. You actually go out and buy the bands played on Farmclub.com 57. You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over-distorted open sludge note on it. 58. You look like Fred Durst. 59. You wear a red baseball cap that's somewhat furry. 60. You look like Eminem and actually think he's kEwL. 61. You know every lyric to all of Eminem's albums. 62. Before the Black Album got huge, you called Metallica "worship-Satan, kill-your-mother, rape-your-sister shit." 63. Hot Topic, Aeropostale and Gadzooks meet all of your clothing needs. 64. You actually think Kid Rock is worth your spending money on. 65. When somebody mentions metal, you think Papa Roach instead of Motorhead. 66. You've heard real metal and you don't like it. 67. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that Slipknot's masks are just gimmicks. 68. You think Limp Bizkit and Crazy Town are "tight." 69. You call death metal boring but you've never actually listened to a death metal band. 70. You get confused in the metal chatroom as to why most people there are "dissing" your favorite band. 71. You've sent hatemail to webmasters of anti-mall metal sites(with bad grammar and obscene language, of course). 72. You dress in a gothic way, listen to stuff such as Marilyn Manson and Korn but have the nerve to call yourself a non-conformist. 73. You fancy yourself as a non-conformist rebel but shrink back in fear everytime your math teacher tells you to "knock it off!" 74. Every time a new mallcore band pops up, you are usually one of the first to buy their CDs at FYE, in the mall. 75. You claim you don't like boy bands or rappers but you hang around with most of their fans. 76. You think the singer from Mudvayne is really hot. 77. When somebody mentions Slayer you think God Hates Us All. 78. You say the first Coal Chamber album doesn't sound like Korn. 79. You get confused when somebody says the singer from Tristania is better than the singer from Kittie. 80. You say Hot Topic isn't a trendy store. 81. Your hair is more colors than a hippie's shirt. 82. Your idea of Death Metal is Fear Factory. 83. Your screenname has more X's than ever thought imaginable in a 16-letter space. 84. You actually smoke pot on April 20th. 85. You think Cannibal Corpse started "death metal." 86. Your closet is full of Jncos and Korn/Slipknot/Mudvayne shirts, all with bleach stains and holes and fringed ends. 87. Your idea of a heavy guitar sound is an Ibanez RG7 tuned to Z flat. 88. You don't know what happened to Danzig after The Misfits. 89. You use your index, pinky AND thumb when making the metal salute. 90. Your idea of underground is Spineshank. 91. The more dented, scratched, stickered up and destroyed your guitar is, the better it is. 92. You think that by rebelling against your parents you're actually accomplishing something. 93. You've hit a "gravity bong." 94. You think of Cold as being emotional. 95. You consider yourself a black metal fan because you recently found out about Phil Anselmo's side project "Viking Crown." 96. You think Cradle Of Filth is black metal. 97. You deny that Slipknot and Korn are mainstream, yet they are constantly aired on MTV and widely available in malls. 98. You really think Marilyn Manson mames animals on stage. 99. All of your friends look exactly like you with slight differences like whether the lip piercing is on the left or right. 100. Your idea of a diverse musical taste is Blink 182. 101. You own a skateboard. 102. You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass. 103. You worship Slipknot but don't know who Anal Blast are. 104. You think every band Metal Edge Magazine mentions is metal. Not to mention go by what bands label themselves, no matter how false it is. 105. You play a 7-string guitar and seriously think Korn invented them. 106. You don't know that Korn ripped off a Morbid Angel song. The breakdown of Morbid Angel's "Angel Of Disease" sounds exactly like Ball Tongue. (Angel Of Disease-1993, Ball Tongue-1994) 107. You say "y'all." 108. You think Tool is talented because they sound different from other mallcore bands. 109. Whenever your parents or other adults are around, you cough to hide the obscenities when you have a Korn CD on. 110. You think no one listens to Eighties Metal anymore and if they do, they're at least fourty years old. 111. You think Chris Barnes has the "deepest voice." 112. Your parents make you go to church and you think you're evil and blasphemic by wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt when you go with them. 113. The first time you ever heard Morbid Angel was when you saw them with Pantera and Kittie. 114. When someone mentions grind, all you can think of is Anal Cunt. 115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a mallcore nerd and foolishly try to fight them. 116. You think people who don't like mallcore don't listen to it because they can't understand it. 117. You think people who don't like mallcore can't take "hard music." 118. You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world. 119. You think Corey Taylor is "da best fuckin' metal singer EVER." 120. You think Slayer are the godfathers of "death metal." 121. When someone mentions Hellhammer, you think of the drummer of Kovenant. 122. Your only use for vinyl records is as a frisbee. 123. You like Primus, but don't know who Possessed were. 124. You would cream yourself if Ozzy autographed your copy of the Reunion CD. 125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck. 126. You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal. 127. You think Brave New World is the best Maiden album. 128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol. 129. You obstinately deny the influence of rap in mallcore even though many of them claim rap influence. 130. You've never heard 80s Sepultura. 131. Last, but not least the first time you hear of Meshuggah is when they play Ozzfest this summer. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 3:11pm | ||
| SentencedtoBurn User Info... | 126. "You think Ozzy is the godfather of all metal." - Yes. 118. "You think Deicide is the most Satanic band in the world." - Certainly one of them. 102. "You think Slipknot's drummer is good because he can play double bass."- decent for being in such a shitty band. 84. "You actually smoke pot on April 20th." - yup. on the 19th and 21st too. 57. "You think a band kicks ass if the guitarist performs a BMX Tabletop while he's playing that constant over distorted open sludge note on it." - nope. but that is fucking hilarious 10. You call people "fags" and "pieces of muthafuckin' shit." - Guilty as charged. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 3:42pm | ||
| DEATH User Info... | 125. You say anything you don't listen to must suck. - True Enough. 128. You think "666" is a Satanic symbol. - Last time I checked that was "hell's address"... myself and countless others including dissection just have to be wrong.. 3. You think ICP is funny. - Just when the misfits beat them up on wwf a few years ago. 11. You assume that if someone doesn't like Slipknot, they must listen to "pussy stuff like N'sync". - only if theyre mallcore 115. You think real metallers have never outsmarted a mallcore nerd and foolishly try to fight them - well that makes alot of sense. I don't need 100 reasons, I just need to ask 3 questions: Do you like linkin park? Do you like Drowning pool? Do you like Papa Roach? Answer yes to any and, congratulations, you qualify as mallcore! - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 5:01pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | 1) you spend all damn day typing all that shit on the computer. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 7:23pm | ||
| Gigantic Eel User Info... | Like anyone cares about this shit. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 7:51pm | ||
| FANGU User Info... | 6. You think "Eighties Metal" refers to Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, and Poison. soooooooooo, what IS 80's metal? - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 8:33pm | ||
| METALHEAD!% User Info... | 93. You've hit a "gravity bong." - Why yes I have. Actually, I am thinking about doing a bucket right now. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 8:57pm | ||
| Anonymous User Info... | 132. you have your ears stretched but only 'large' enough so that people will ask you "wow! does that really go ALL the way through your ear?!" 133. you have a mohawk that's less than 3" long. but your mom will probably make you shave it off when she finds out. 134. you have 3 or more lip rings and at least one eyebrow peircing. 135. if a girl, you have any or all of the following: a butterfly tattoo, a centered lip piercing, or a belly button ring. 136. you own a misfits shirt yet cannot name any of their songs. 137. you think your septum ring makes you look tough. - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 9:16pm | ||
| Wreaker of Havoc User Info... | This is what pisses me off about metal in this town. Reminds me of highschool with the whole 'poser' thing. I could give a flying shit if a kid likes slip knot and system of a down or fuckin nelly and kid rock for that matter as long as they come to the show and make some fuckin noise and have a good time. Its too bad the resurgance of metal is bringing back this fuckin stupid "im more underground than you" idiocy. Just because ML7 Mike has Linkin Park posters in his room doesnt make him any less "metal"......or are they nude Lincoln Mulloch photos....ok that is not metal....heheh - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 9:46pm | ||
| the treatster User Info... | Just let the teenagers be teenagers they can't be as cool as you yet.. right? - Tue, 26 Aug 2003 9:59pm | ||
| Shawn User Info... | Don't knock rap. Just like most of us "real metal" folk obviously listen to the more underground metal bands, "real hip hop" guys sure as hell arn't listening to Nelly or fucking Chingy. Hip hop/rap or whatever you want to call it is good. Listen to (not saying that they are underground) Jurassic 5 and some other hip hop acts that are trying to keep hip hop true. Keeping it about the rhymes rather than some image that will fade in a few months. It's called diversity. I like my metal like I like my hip hop : TRUE! - Wed, 27 Aug 2003 3:44am | ||
| METALHEAD!% User Info... | Hey someone else knows Jurassic 5? I have never met or heard of anyone else who have even heard of them. I agree, they are the exception to the rap sucks rule. A very thin exception but they are better then all that other shite. - Wed, 27 Aug 2003 5:17am | ||
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