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50 WAYS TO PISS OFF THE METAL HEADS.....
| Message Board > Music Chitchat - Heavy > 50 WAYS TO PISS OFF THE METAL HEADS..... |
| ROSS B AY User Info... | 1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil. 2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them. 3. Hide their joint under their library card. 4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot. 5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn't matter who. 6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway. 7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet. 8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the evening. 9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. 10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D. 11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. (ouch!) 12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest, most original thing you've ever come up with. 13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent. Now, those guys have talent!" 14. Say "What is vinyl?" 15. Point out how stupid Manowar is. If they agree, which they shouldnt, tell them the only thing more stupid is Black Sabbath with Dio. 16. Tell them it all sounds the same. 17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically. 18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison. 19. Tell them you like underground music too, like Godsmack. 20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing. 21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. 22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band. 23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center. 24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch. 25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique. 26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder sh*ts all over John Arch. 27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent. 28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep. 29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly. 30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh. 31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street. 32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show. 33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds. 34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver. 35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s. 36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo. 37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show. 38. Call Doro fat. 39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling. 40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being widgets. 41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists. 42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't correct yourself about it. 43. Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years. 44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album. 45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass. Haha. 46. Refer to metal as "that k-ll-your-father r-pe-your-mother stuff." 47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them. 48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit. 49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like... 50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can't take a joke. - Sat, 23 Jun 2007 2:06pm | ||
| FinalWar User Info... | Celtic Frost one made me lol. - Sat, 23 Jun 2007 3:02pm | ||
| Andrew User Info... | loL good job - Sun, 24 Jun 2007 2:00pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | 51. Scrape all the CC labels off of their car windows and replace them with rainbow stickers. 52. Invite them over for a bbq, get them baked, then serve up tofu dogs and veggie burgers. 53. Compliment them on their new tatoo, and comment that you also support P.F.L.a.G. - Sun, 24 Jun 2007 7:32pm | ||
| Hang the DJ User Info... | 11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little. (ouch!) AWWWWW! - Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:59pm | ||
| Meantime Mike User Info... | 54. Ask them how long theyve lived in Langford, even though they have never lived there or even go there. - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 2:45am | ||
| beazlbub User Info... | 55-tell them that you "love the metal" but whenever they play any just bitch and moan about it being "too loud" and how your not really into the whole black metal scene even tho its pantera thats playing. 56-anytime you hear nickleback throw up the horns and shout "metal rules" and do a weak headbang just to show how hardcore you really are 57-constantly go on about how your into metal but whenever someone starts to talk about the different bands try to change the subject to metallica and how you just dont understand what the problem is with their music and state "if it wasnt for metallica we wouldnt have korn"or slipknot whatever you think will piss em off more 58-whenever at a metal party always pick the black album as the one that turned you "hardcore" into metal then do a weak headbang with a weak horns up - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:44am Edited: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:49am | ||
| Jaron Evil User Info... | 59. Point out how you feel that Killswitch Engage's cover of Holy Diver was far superior to the original Dio version. 60. Go to a metal show wearing a Cancer Bats T-Shirt. 61. Be adament about "Risk" being Megadeth's only good album. 62. Go to a technical death metal fan and say how all tech death metal is derived from Captain Beefheart and Frank Zappa. 63. Refer to blastbeats as "sewing machine drumming". - - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 12:58pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... |  63. Make them eat salad. 64. Announce that you hate cats - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 12:59pm Edited: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 1:00pm | ||
| Jeremy Baker User Info... | 54. Ask them how long theyve lived in Langford, even though they have never lived there or even go there. --- now that is funny. - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 5:51pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | Keep it down, Baker. Keep it down. - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 7:09pm Edited: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 7:10pm | ||
| XY-SATAN User Info... | 65. Walk into a big metal show wearing a T-shirt saying " My parents went to the last Damagedplan concert, ...... and all they got me was this bloody T-shirt." Sorry, so bad. RIP 66. make a joke like that^^^^^^^ !!Hehehe!! - Mon, 25 Jun 2007 7:38pm Edited: Mon, 25 Jun 2007 7:48pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | 67. Point out that the Pengrowth Saddledome looks like a giant maxi-pad. - Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:17am | ||
| NOISE NOT BOMBS User Info... | I loved this one, I think it made my day... the image this put in my head is priceless! Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe. - Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:34pm | ||
| Tim-Bitchfork User Info... | 9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference. nice - Thu, 28 Jun 2007 12:18pm | ||
| Tararising User Info... | #68. Tell them that the lyrics "Put my shades on, hair blows in the wind, I give some square the finger, now he wont look agaaaain. No he wooon't." Is gay as hell, but the cowbell kicks ass! #69. Hack Manowar in any way, shape, or form. - Sat, 30 Jun 2007 1:21pm | ||
| Leo Bondage User Info... | 65. Walk into a big metal show wearing a T-shirt saying " My parents went to the last Damagedplan concert, ...... and all they got me was this bloody T-shirt." /\ hahahahaha thats the funniest thing ever /\ Metal is great,infact I'm lisening to Korn right now! - Sat, 30 Jun 2007 3:22pm | ||
| Andrew User Info... | i look like i should be playing metal - Sat, 30 Jun 2007 7:42pm | ||
| Hang the DJ User Info... | "Metal is great,infact I'm lisening to Korn right now!" Just made my life right there. - Thu, 26 Jul 2007 7:19am | ||
| Aidan Logins User Info... | pfft, Korn sucks now. I just like their old stuff. Like Thoughtless and Falling Away From Me. - Thu, 26 Jul 2007 3:51pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | uhh.....you're kidding. right? - Thu, 26 Jul 2007 4:50pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | all day I dream about sex - Thu, 26 Jul 2007 5:09pm | ||
| KimberleyKaos User Info... | He's in a rock band and he is serious. Read his bio. Bi-O - Thu, 26 Jul 2007 8:02pm | ||
| lonemonk User Info... | trevor corey: I wasn't aware you were old enough to know the adidas acronym. Either they still teach it, or you're an old fuck too. The palindrome of it is: sex all day in dads apartment As far as pissing off metal-heads tell them: "That whole claw in the air thing looks like a ball-grabbing affair" - Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:11am Edited: Fri, 27 Jul 2007 12:19am | ||
| Sati User Info... | In my experience, it doesn't take all that much to piss off metalheads, but here's a couple: 70. Crash a black metal show with your death metal band all in full KISS makeup & dresses, play a brutal/crushing set BUT break out in an impromptu a-capella version of Beth mid-way, then continue on as if nothing odd ever happened (causing vast indignation & confusion) -courtesy of ZucKISS, 2006 71. Instead of paid stamps, carefully draw inverted crosses in thick black ink on the backs of hands at all the serious black metal shows so that when everyone's throwing up the horns at the end, you're left looking up at a sea of (right side up) crosses. -courtesy of a certain, long gone Cobalt doorguy ('04/05) Actually no one ever caught on to that one. If anyone ever tried to call him on it, he just said "look, its inverted to me", and they settled down, tho looking a little grumpy. ... those were the days. - Sun, 29 Jul 2007 7:20pm Edited: Sun, 29 Jul 2007 8:18pm | ||
| Aidan Logins User Info... | "uhh.....you're kidding. right?" Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm extremely kidding on that one. But I have had humans say that sort of thing to me- really disturbing. I hope this thread goes on forever. - Sun, 29 Jul 2007 9:10pm | ||
| THE FLY ON THE WALL User Info... | 56. LIST EVERY SINGLE METAL BAND YOU HAVE FOUND ONLINE AS YOUR INFLUENCES ON MYSPACE AND LIST THEM BY SUB-GENRE. (Jaron you forgot to mention if you you are fan of SEVERED SAVIOR before or after Armondo Avolos was asked to leave the band.) STRAIGHT FROM JARON EVILS MYSPACE http://www.myspace.com/funeralfornication POWER METAL: Rhapsody, Lost Horizon, Blind Guardian, Hibria, Crystal Eyes, Sonata Arctica, Heed, Dragonforce, Galloglass, Heavenly, Cellador, Luca Turilli, Iced Earth, Demons And Wizards, 3 Inches Of Blood, Nocternal Rites, Montany, Stratovarius, Manowar, Nightwish, Falconer, Cryonic Temple, Metalium, Mob Rules, Ayreon, Black Majesty, Edguy, Kamelot, Cydonia, Human Fortress, Iron Fire, Force Of Evil BLACK METAL: Immortal, Inquisition, Dark Funeral, Darkthrone, Taake, Leviathan, Sargeist, Mayhem, Absu, Graveland, Carpathian Forest, Nattefrost, Emperor, Nocternity, Burzum, Vintersorg, Xasthur, Hollenthon, Siebenburgen, Tsjuder, Massemord, Old Man's Child, Tvangeste, Urgehal, Winter Of Apokalypse, Deathspell Omega, Great Vast Forest, Eclipse Eternal, Akercocke, Borknagar, Cradle Of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, Bathory, Devil Lee Rot, Fluisterwoud, Moonsorrow, Blasphemy, Revenge, Conqueror DEATH METAL: Spawn Of Possession, Drawn And Quartered, Odious Mortem, Mithras, Immolation, Nile, Vital Remains, Vile, Hate Eternal, Morbid Angel, Death, Augury, Deicide, Gorguts, Cannibal Corpse, Necrotic Disgorgement, Dying Fetus, Incantation, Inhume, Severed Savior, Deeds Of Flesh, Psycroptic, Arsebreed, Cattle Decapitation, Wintersun, Quo Vadis, Vader, Cryptopsy, Disgorge, Suffocation, Spasme, Disastrous Murmur, Opeth, Exhumed, Melechesh, Crotchduster, Carcass, Bloodbath, Cynic, Origin, Visceral Bleeding, Unmerciful, Mortal Decay, Insidious Decrepancy, Disavowed, Pyaemia, Usipian, Internal Suffering, Behemoth, Skinless GRIND: Prosthetic Cunt, Pig Destroyer, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Gigantic Brain, Zuckuss, Cock And Ball Torture, Cliteater, Gruesome Stuff Relish, Electrocutionerdz, Mortician, XXX Maniak, Zombie Ritual, Lord Gore, Sikfuk, Retch, Nasum, Decomposing Serenity, Libido Airbag, S.M.E.S., Artery Eruption THRASH: Kreator, Sodom, Onslaught, Hirax, Dekapitator, Slayer, Atheist, Evildead, Labrat, Infernal Majesty, Exodus, Exciter, Obituary, D.R.I., Rumpelstiltskin Grinder, Painmuseum, Sabbat, Zimmers Hole, Destruction PUNK: Dayglo Abortions, Dead Kennedys, Rancid, Misfits, Ramones, Hanson Brothers, Pigment Vehicle, Dropkick Murphys, Me First & The Gimme-Gimmes, Raw Power CLASSICAL: Le'Rue Delashay, Howard Shore, John Williams, Danny Elfman, Basil Poledouris, Edgard Varese, Olivier Messiaen, Malcolm Forsyth, Gyorgy Ligeti, Antonin Dvorak, Nicolo Paganini, Malcolm Arnold, George Antheil, Hector Berlioz, Benjamin Britten, George Rochberg, Gustav Mahler, Frederic Chopin, Gustav Holst, Gerald Finzi, Helmut Lachenmann, Giya Kancheli, Grazyna Bacewicz DARKWAVE / INDUSTRIAL / OTHER: Uruk-Hai, Braindance, Arcana, Lisa Gerard, Dead Can Dance, Letum, Psychotica, Skinny Puppy, Sisters Of Mercy, Bauhaus, Mortiis, Vond, Obitania, Out Out, Master/Slave Relationship, Funerary Call, Midnight Syndicate, Endura, Electric Hellfire Club, Primus, Sunn0))), Tiamat - Mon, 30 Jul 2007 3:37pm Edited: Mon, 30 Jul 2007 3:43pm | ||
| Mutilashawn User Info... | oh snap! - Mon, 30 Jul 2007 5:22pm Edited: Mon, 30 Jul 2007 5:23pm | ||
| Doc User Info... | How can you list classical music influences for a metal band and not include Richard Wagner??? Anyways, for pissing off metal heads, and I've tried this one: 72.Listen to them play their newest riff then say, "Not bad, but I like it better the way Vivaldi did it." or 73. Tell them that Arch Enemy has some of the manliest vocals you ever heard. - Mon, 30 Jul 2007 10:19pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Use the word "manliest" - Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:42pm | ||
| Mutilashawn User Info... | Talk about how Angela Glosgow is the most intense female vocalist - Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:50pm | ||
| Sati User Info... | 74. Insist that they must know a lot about haircare products & quiz them about that and their conditioning routines each time you see them. - Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:24am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Thats gold right there ^ .....I'm gonna use that one on Lance......if he ever speaks to me again..... - Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:32am Edited: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:39am | ||
| Sati User Info... | Well I don't smoke a lot of weed... I'm in those pot circles for the product recommendations. I think the big guys find it relaxing. (I kid, I kid!) - Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:41am Edited: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 11:43am | ||
| Pierce User Info... | Ask the bitch for his fucking patch cord back, which I "loaned" to him July 10, 2002. Huh Ross B Ay - Wed, 1 Aug 2007 8:10am | ||
| Cool Hand Luke Mister BEAUMONT User Info... | 75.Remind them that Rob Halford is gay so they probably LOVE THE COCK also. - Wed, 1 Aug 2007 9:35am | ||
| KimberleyKaos User Info... | LUKE, YOU FUCKING RULE! I bow...to the master... - Wed, 1 Aug 2007 9:02pm | ||
| Doc User Info... | Man, I had a great gay metal head joke but now...it would just look lame next to Luke's. Kudos. ~Doc - Fri, 3 Aug 2007 11:53am | ||
| XY-SATAN User Info... | All you'll get out of most Metalheads when it comes to jokes about Halford is a rolling of the eyes. Most of us have heard it for over 25 years . "I'm gonna use that one on Lance......if he ever speaks to me again." Aren’t you follicle challenged TC? Hehe! :p - Fri, 3 Aug 2007 2:13pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Yep, Homer Simpson has more hair than I do. (_8^(l) - Sun, 5 Aug 2007 6:40pm | ||
| Brett F User Info... | I needed brushes at a gig and asked the a metal band drummer if he had some....bad idea... - Tue, 7 Aug 2007 11:36pm | ||
| Dr.DoomXXX User Info... | 76. Run up to a couple bangers with your college buddy, brandish the horns as you yell in stereo "DUDE! We used to have long hair!!" and grin like an idiot expecting a pat on the head or something. (Happens @ evolution quite a bit) - Fri, 10 Aug 2007 4:09pm | ||
| XJAyX User Info... | Just look at them and yell "Metallica!!" (Actually, this only works if you yell it at Dave Mustaine) - Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:50am | ||
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