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good and bad jokes!
| Message Board > Controversy and Quarantine > good and bad jokes! |
| Spring-Laden-bin-dun-deep User Info... | I thought we could all use a laugh so; here it goes post your good-bad-dirty-clean jokes! Here is mine! How do you know when your boyfriend has a high sperm count? You have to chew before you swallow! - Tue, 24 Apr 2007 6:49pm | ||
| Spring Rain User Info... | Geez....tuff croud! ....lol - Tue, 24 Apr 2007 8:13pm Edited: Tue, 24 Apr 2007 8:13pm | ||
| Danielle User Info... | Just like campbell's chicken rice soup, mmmmm,mmmm good. - Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:30pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... |  | ||
| Lucius User Info... | What is three feet tall and can't fit through the door? A baby with a spear through its head! Cheers, Lucius - Wed, 25 Apr 2007 8:32am | ||
| bbjones User Info... | What is red and squirms in the corner... A baby playing with a razor blade. -------- What is green and sits in the corner... Same baby two weeks later. - Wed, 25 Apr 2007 9:28am Edited: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 9:29am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | http://youtube.com/watch?v=FomroPMOKvg&mode=related&search= - Wed, 25 Apr 2007 2:01pm | ||
| Spring Rain User Info... | ok, lucius your sick...lol..but you didn't make me cry!!!! hahahaha...... ok I have one, and its NOT rascist.....its supposed to be funny...so whoever is gonna get offended, i'm sorry..... There is an AFRICAN AMERICAN! man walking through the desert he is dying of thurst and so tired he takes his last step before collapsing to the sand he lands on something hard under the sand so he starts digging he finds a lamp so he rubs it and a geenie pops out and says i'll grant you three wishes..... so the man says.... WATER I WANT LOTS OF WATER! I WANT HOT WOMAN ALL OVER ME AND I WANT TO BE WHITE!............. YOUR WISH IS GRANTED ......... HE WAKES UP AS A TOILET ON THE SET OF BAYWATCH! - Wed, 25 Apr 2007 2:34pm Edited: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 2:36pm | ||
| jackass User Info... | prolly told this one already, but.. A magic talking frog was sitting in the woods feeling utterly alone and miserable when all of a sudden a rabbit came crashing through the trees with a big ol’ bear hot on his heels. The frog, who was so desperate for company, called after them to stop. “I’m a magic frog, and since I’m so lonely, I’ll grant you both 3 wishes if you stop for a minute and talk with me.” The bear and the rabbit turn back, and the frog says to the bear, “Ok bear, you go first.” The bear can’t believe his luck, and thinking he’s clever says, “I wish all the bears in this forest except for me are female bears.” The frog croaks and hops once and says, “Done. Rabbit?” The rabbit thinks for a minute and then says, “I want a crash helmet.” The frog croaks and hops once and says, “Done. Bear, your turn,” as a helmet appears on the rabbit’s head. The bear can’t believe how stupid the rabbit is. Bear says, “Stupid rabbit. Here’s how you wish: I wish all the bears in the forest next to this one except for me are female bears too.” The frog croaks and hops once and says, “Done. Rabbit, what’s your second wish?” The rabbit replies with no hesitation, “I want a motorbike.” The frog croaks and hops once and says, “Done,” and a big motorbike appears. “Bear, what’s your third wish?” The bear absolutely cannot believe how stupid the rabbit is. Motorbike? The bear says, “Rabbit, you are so dumb. I wish all the bears in the whole world except for me all female too!” The frog croaks and hops once and says, “Done. Rabbit, what’s your third and final wish?” The rabbit climbs up on the motorbike, fires it up, looks over at the bear, then back at the frog and says, “I wish the bear was gay,” and takes off into the woods at top speed. - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 9:07am | ||
| Lucius User Info... | ^^^ Nice one ^^^^ Its going in the vault. Cheers, Lucius - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 9:31am | ||
| Laprider User Info... | What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass? a mechanic - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 10:13am | ||
| bbjones User Info... | How did the dead baby cross the road? Stapled to the chicken. - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:48pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | What's pink, 12 inches long and makes a grown woman cry? crib death. - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 1:46pm | ||
| Rubber Box User Info... | How can you tell when a mechanic gets lucky? hes got one clean finger - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 1:48pm | ||
| bbjones User Info... | What's brown, bubbly and scratches at the window? Baby in a microwave. - Fri, 27 Apr 2007 5:31pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | Whats' the differance between an indian and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family of 4 HEYYOOOOO........ I realize its' racist but bite me I have more disdain for white folks than anyone so fuck off. - Sat, 28 Apr 2007 8:08am | ||
| Hang the DJ User Info... | What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. - Sun, 29 Apr 2007 12:41am | ||
| Hang the DJ User Info... | Ooooo these ones are nasty..... What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw? -Deep Throat. What is red and creeps up your leg? -A homesick abortion. - Sun, 29 Apr 2007 12:46am | ||
| beev jak User Info... | what does virginia tech and the north pole have in common? -they're both minus 32 heh - Sun, 29 Apr 2007 2:14am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | "How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!" - Tue, 8 May 2007 2:15am | ||
| Tim-Bitchfork User Info... | How do you kill a clown? a shotgun. How many dead babies does it take to paint a room? All depends how hard you throw them. - Tue, 8 May 2007 11:03am | ||
| Soap Dodger User Info... | What's the difference between a Pizza and a dead baby? I won't jerk off on a pizza before I eat it. - Tue, 8 May 2007 1:58pm | ||
| MURDALIZER User Info... | What did one peophile say to the other pedophile at the beach? Get outta my sun. - Tue, 8 May 2007 3:24pm | ||
| Rubber Box User Info... | what is the difference between hookers and onions? Sometimes I cry when Im cutting up onions - Tue, 8 May 2007 4:08pm | ||
| adamZZ User Info... | What's the best part about raping a hooker? Its free!! - Sun, 13 May 2007 9:49am Edited: Sun, 13 May 2007 9:49am | ||
| FISH User Info... | What did Jeffery Dalhmer say to Lorena Bobbitt? You gonna eat that? - Sun, 13 May 2007 1:06pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. " This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you eh!" "Well, Archie," George replied, "This is, indeed, important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" George paused.. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Archie?", George asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Archie, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." - Mon, 14 May 2007 12:58am Edited: Mon, 14 May 2007 1:00am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Positive thought for the day... When you feel that nobody loves you, Nobody cares for you, And everyone is ignoring you, You should start asking yourself... Am I too sexy? - Thu, 17 May 2007 1:52pm | ||
| gino User Info... | why did your mother suck my cock? Cause she's a fucking whore! - Thu, 17 May 2007 2:43pm | ||
| gene User Info... | Why did the (person of race of your choice) trade his wife for an outhouse? Cause the hole was smaller and it smelled better. - Thu, 17 May 2007 2:44pm | ||
| METALNECK User Info... | How did George Bush find his twin daughters in the woods? Not bad - Sat, 19 May 2007 11:37am | ||
| MURDALIZER User Info... | Whats the difference between a fridge and a pussy? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. - Sun, 20 May 2007 8:28am | ||
| scum User Info... | What do a woman and an oven have in common? You're supposed to preheat them both before you shove the meat in. - Sun, 20 May 2007 6:02pm | ||
| MindlessMikeyJay User Info... | So this guy finds out his wife was cheating on him. And he wanted to get even with her but couldnt quite figure out how. So he said fuck it, i am gonna get a fuckin hooker. The man went downtown lookin for a lady to fuck. But he didnt want to spend too much. He went to the first hooker and said "How MUch?" Hooker Replied "I am 200 bucks night baby, but if you go down 2 blocks you meet Sally. She is dirt cheap!" The man Walked down a few blocks until he saw this smokin hot blonde and said "How much for your time tonight?" The Hooker Replied " 50 bucks a night and its the best you ever had too" Soo They went to her room in a hotel and fucked. The sex was horrible, Dry, rough, just plain sloppy. Wasnt very much fun at all. So the Hooker says " Give me 5 minutes and ill be back. AFter 5 minutes she returns to the bedroom and they go at it again. This time its nice and wet, fuckin awesome and warm. Best sex he has had since him and his old love in high school. The man says to the hooker " What did you do?? That was way better than the first time!!" The Hoooker Replied ............................................................................................................................... " I picked the scabbs" - Wed, 23 May 2007 8:42pm Edited: Wed, 23 May 2007 8:43pm | ||
| Sanctibar User Info... | A classic: A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlined; there was no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked." - Thu, 24 May 2007 11:44am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?" Her mother told her, "God sent you." "Did God send you, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear," the mother replied. "What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted. "He sent them also" the mother said. "Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently. " So you're telling me that there has been NO sex in this Family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so damn grouchy around here." - Thu, 24 May 2007 2:45pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Jack and Jill are engaged to be married. One day while preparing for the upcoming wedding, Jack finds himself alone in the house. Well, alone in the house with Jill's sexy, flirtatious, mini-skirt wearing, hardbodied, 18 year old sister Roxanne. Roxanne winks at Jack and motions for him to follow her upstairs to where her bedroom is. Jack stops, and thinks for a second, then turns around and walks out the front door. Jill's family are all outside waiting to congratulate Jack on passing their test. Moral of the story? ......always leave your condoms out in the car. - Sun, 27 May 2007 1:40am | ||
| grimlord User Info... | How do you know when your sister is on the rag? Your dads dick taists like blood - Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:15pm Edited: Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:15pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | It's sad how some famlys are torn apart by something as simple as.......wild dogs - Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:18pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. - Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:23pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | there was a man on the bus and he was sitting down when a fat lady said 'if u were a gentleman you would stand up and let someone else sit down'and he said 'and if you werent so fat you would stand up and let 4 people sit down' - Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:26pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | 9 Things I Hate 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it? 4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm gonna Kick their ass! 5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the movies and stare at the fucking floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya bitch? 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. 8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, fuckin' dumb ass? - Sat, 2 Jun 2007 5:29pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher." - Sun, 3 Jun 2007 12:50am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba (Dog food) at Pick and Pay and standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 3 stones before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food? - Sat, 27 Oct 2007 12:47pm Edited: Sat, 27 Oct 2007 12:47pm | ||
| Hang the DJ User Info... | That's like when you're the only one at work, standing behind the counter and someone comes up and asks "Do you work here?". No, no I don't... I just like going into random stores and standing behind the counter, pretending to work there.. - Sun, 4 Nov 2007 2:16pm | ||
| Bo User Info... | What's the difference between pizza and a jew? Pizza doesn't scream in the oven - Tue, 6 Nov 2007 8:49am | ||
| tom User Info... | What's white and 12 inches long? Nothing. - Tue, 6 Nov 2007 12:04pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... |  | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the product increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited. - Mon, 26 Nov 2007 2:48am | ||
| DAJ User Info... | Why do methheads love Halloween? Only three sleeps 'til Christmas. - Mon, 26 Nov 2007 9:19am | ||
| Jl User Info... | why does daj have a hate on for society? cuz we have plumbing - Sat, 1 Dec 2007 1:42pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun." "As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'." "Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied , "My point exactly." - Sun, 6 Jan 2008 2:30pm Edited: Sun, 6 Jan 2008 3:31pm | ||
| Swingin' Joe User Info... | Dogkabob. - Sun, 6 Jan 2008 6:40pm Edited: Sun, 6 Jan 2008 6:40pm | ||
| Endeløs User Info... | Why do they put cotton in pill bottles? To remind the niggers that they were slaves before they were drug addicts. - Sun, 6 Jan 2008 9:04pm | ||
| Andrew User Info... | LOL holy shit i can't believe you wrote that. - Sun, 6 Jan 2008 11:22pm | ||
| McLovin User Info... | A college professor was doing a study, testing the senses of 1st-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children Lifesavers and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour. The children began to say: "red .......... cherry." "yellow ...... lemon." "green .......... lime." "orange .... orange." Finally, the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments, none of the kids could identify the taste. "Well", he said. "I'll give you all a clue ... it's what your Mother may sometimes call your Father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled, "Everybody, spit them out ... they're ASSHOLES!" - Mon, 7 Jan 2008 12:35am Edited: Mon, 7 Jan 2008 12:37am | ||
| McLovin User Info... | A store that sells new husbands has just opened inNew York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited - Mon, 7 Jan 2008 12:44am | ||
| Mr. Hell User Info... | I think I've seen this one somewhere else recently...^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ x 8. - Mon, 7 Jan 2008 3:06pm | ||
| McLovin User Info... | How do you make five pounds of fat look sexy??????????????? ...........put a nipple on it. - Tue, 8 Jan 2008 3:40am | ||
| Amber-dawn User Info... | Ok this is bad... -What's the sound when a water truck crashes into a vinegar truck? DOUCHE! (I told you) - Sun, 20 Jan 2008 6:26pm Edited: Sun, 20 Jan 2008 6:27pm | ||
| Dave Slaughter User Info... | so theres a roman catholic priest and a rabbi driving down the road in a car. they see a little boy walking down the sidewalk and the priest turns to the rabbi and says "oh rabbi, lets take him back to the church and fuck him." to which the rabbi replies "fuck him for what? hes a little boy, he doesnt have anything." - Mon, 21 Jan 2008 9:31am | ||
| ::Saint:: User Info... | Two hunters crash their vehicle while driving through the African savannah, and are forced to walk to the nearest village, which is several miles away. En route they come across a long fence directly across their path, stretching as far as the eye can see, with a sign that says "Savannah wildife Presevere - Enter at your own risk!". Realizing that it will take far too long to walk all th way around the enclosure, the hunters scale the fence and continue on their way. After walking for several hours, they come across a sign in the ground that says "Warning: Lion Territory!" By this time it is getting late and their water supply is dwindling - they know there's no turning back, now, so they continue on. One of the hunters stops to take a pair of running shoes out of his backpack, and puts them on. "What are you doing?" asks the other hunter, "You know you can't outrun a lion, don't you?" "Don't have to outrun a lion," his companion replies, "I just have to outrun you." - Wed, 30 Jan 2008 4:42pm Edited: Wed, 30 Jan 2008 4:43pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | A man was on a long trip though the desert on his camel and he had been ridding for weeks,The man was startng to feel lonely and hadn't been laid in a long time so he thinks to himself,{I am so horny I am going to fuck my camel}.So he get the camel to stop and trys to stick it in but the camel bucks him off and runs away ,he runs after it ,a wile later he finds his camel and apoligizes and starts his trip again .Another week goes by and he is feeling frisky again and looks at his camel and thinks I dont wont to go running after this thing again.As he thinks to him self he spots something on the sand a ways away,not sure what it is he decides to investigate. As he gets closer he sees it is a head of a girl,and it is moveing.She sees him and yells for him for his help ,jumping to the ground he starts to dig feverishly ,"Thank you, thank you" she says "If you get me out of here I will do anything for you... anything" "Cool" he replayed "Can you hold my camel for me he keeps bucking me off when I try to fuck em" - Wed, 20 Feb 2008 1:20pm | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. Cheryl from next door saw us and was so upset that she came over and yelled at me....'You lazy fool! Sitting there drinking beer while your poor wife pushes that ancient lawn mower around! Get up off your a** and give her a break!' I thought 'S*it! .... Women!' Took another swig from my stubby, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my sunnies, stared directly at this nosey cow and told her in no uncertain terms 'Sod off and mind your own business. My wife has green fingers, and she really enjoys gardening'. After a few days I felt really bad , so I went out and bought her a ride-on mower to show my sensitive side. I am so proud of the deal I got. I am also proud that my wife can now sit down while mowing the lawn. Yes guys , after all we should take good care of our wives ... that way maybe they will take good care of us. I have attached a picture below. I hope it comes through OK [see below] - Tue, 3 Jun 2008 1:37pm | ||
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| Corporal Jigsore Quandary User Info... | So this guy gets on an elevator, on the next floor some hot chick gets on. He tries to keep his cool; he’s eyeing her up and down. He finally turns to her and says Can I smell your pussy? She yells NO………… He says oh…….it must be your feet then! - Wed, 11 Feb 2009 1:40pm | ||
| Bounce User Info... | LMAO...that was funny. - Thu, 12 Feb 2009 9:24am | ||
| Mr. Hell User Info... | Ross B Ay wrote: "Whats' the differance between an indian and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family of 4 HEYYOOOOO........ I realize its' racist but bite me I have more disdain for white folks than anyone so fuck off." Is that where that song title came from? - Thu, 12 Feb 2009 2:29pm | ||
| sumyungai User Info... | This showed up in my in- box: C, Eb and G go into a bar . . . The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. - Fri, 13 Feb 2009 5:43pm | ||
| sumyungai User Info... | What's the hardest part of being a keyboard player? -Telling your parents that you're gay. What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend? -Homeless. What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? -A drummer. How does a singer change a light bulb? -She holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her. - Sat, 14 Feb 2009 12:21pm | ||
| grimlord User Info... | How do you get a guitar player off of your front porch ? Pay for the pizza. A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both." Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs. Perfect Pitch: When you throw a viola into the toilet and it doesn't hit the sides. Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend. - Sun, 15 Feb 2009 8:21pm | ||
| Corporal Jigsore Quandary User Info... | Why are so many guitar player jokes one liners? So the rest of the band can understand them. - Tue, 17 Feb 2009 3:26pm | ||
| lemmiwinks72 User Info... |  The doc thinks it a bit unusual but says 'OK' He watches for a while, offers a couple of suggestions and when they finish says 'well things look pretty good to me, you don't seem to have any problems'. To which the couple respond with 'things don't feel exactly right, do you mind if we come back next week for a little more guidance'. The doctor agrees and the couple return the following week. Once again they repeat the performance, get a tiny bit of help and leave quite satisfied. On the third visit the following week the doctor says 'look I really don't see any problem here, in fact I wish my love making was as good, why do you keep coming back?' The young man says 'well to tell you the truth, I'm a guitarist in a rock band, live in a smelly old squat and don't make much money. she's married to this other guy who works from home so we can't go there. I can't afford to take her to a motel. this place is warm and friendly, we get free coffee and magazines while we wait and I get all the costs back from Medicare. - Sun, 5 Apr 2009 2:57pm | ||
| J. Peatman User Info... | Got these from the UPS delivery guy just now: Two morticians are on their coffee break. Mortician 1: "Did you see the hot blonde on the slab back there?" Mortician 2: "Yeah, what about her?" Mortician 1: "She's got a shrimp stuck in her vagina, go check it out" Mortician 2: "Seriously? I'll be right back." Mortician 2 goes to check out the blonde woman and comes back after a minute. Mortician 2: "Idiot. That wasn't a shrimp, it was her clitoris." Mortician 1: "Really? Hmm, it sure tasted like shrimp." ... There is a current trend of women tattooing a sea shell on the inside of one of the thighs. What is the reason behind this? If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean. - Wed, 6 May 2009 11:29am | ||
| trevor corey User Info... | Black Bra I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged,one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman? - Fri, 25 Sep 2009 1:31pm | ||
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