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Brand X Media's 'NICKELBACK SUCKS: SHORT STORY CONTEST!
Message Board > Music Chitchat - Heavy > Brand X Media's 'NICKELBACK SUCKS: SHORT STORY CONTEST!
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Brand X Media
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In celebration of Nickelback's return to Vancouver Island, Brand X Media presents the Nickelback Sucks Short Story Contest. How Do you enter? Well check out http://www.brandxmedia.ca to find out! - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 12:05pm
Gman
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While I can shed no love for Nickleback, this is a really juvenile premise, folks.

Many of us are actually past grade 9... - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 1:20pm
Detroit Velvet Smooth
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I don't care for nickleback much at all, but you'll never here my slag the shit out of bands cause i don't like what they do.
How about i run an essay contest right here on this thread. Topic: Why is brand x media a joke. side topics: jobless people who prentend to be web authors and run online magazines, bad hair cuts, poor taste in music and clothes on purpose just to act cool, trying to be as cool as a musician but lacking talent.

deadline: whenever you get around to it. cause deadlines don't mean shit, right jesse. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 1:27pm
cooper
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Agreed. There are a whole lot of bands a lot worse to write about. Nickelback gets far too much publicity as it is, both good and bad. Why waste your time writing about music that (in your opinion) sucks? Instead, give some publicity to better bands who could benefit from the exposure. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 1:28pm
Nik Olaz
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i think it's all too easy to write anything negative about Nickelback. why not just give the tickets away? - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 1:51pm
Brand X Media
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Well yes, it easy to slag them. Most people do, yet most do it very unoriginally. That's why there's a contest. Creativity holds merit.

hmm, Maybe I should just get into posting gory pics, scalp some def leppard tix and figure out some funny names for porno movies - That will shed my callow and immature ways. Oh wait... - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 1:55pm
moron
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What's wrong with being juvenile? Next you'll be trying to take the fart jokes away!

Cheers

http://industrial.org - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 2:22pm
disrupt
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Yeah if I dislike a band so much to be honest I'd rather not spend the time of day to write an essay on how I dislike them.

Agreed. There are far worse bands out there. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 3:43pm
Gare
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geeze some people just don't find trashing nickleback funny. I had the pleasure of working in the barn during that nickleback default show? I swear both bands got together before the show to decide what 1 song they'd play.

"I don't care for nickleback much at all, but you'll never here my slag the shit out of bands cause i don't like what they do. "
I get it you don't slag bands just people like Jesse? - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 4:02pm
Brandon
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Fuck em all Jesse, this contest is dope. Whats the agenda for the Hootenany anyways? - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 4:42pm
\m/
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"Instead, give some publicity to better bands who could benefit from the exposure"

um. I think that's kind of what Brand X is about. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 5:03pm
cooper
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"um. I think that's kind of what Brand X is about"

Obviously not, if they're holding a contest slagging a band...

"Creativity holds merit"

I'm sure there's a lot of merit in doing something as uncreative as slagging Nickelback... - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 6:28pm
Tragedy
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Nickelback does suck. Nickelback is what's wrong with the radio. You go, girlfriend. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 7:17pm
MURDALIZER
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nickleback, quarterback, halfback, ballsack, thisnthat,
tuckback, frontback, hardhatmack yall.

P.S. Fart jokes Rule, brOOtal fart jokes are kvlt.

p.p.s opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one
and no one wants to hear it. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 8:30pm
SickFuk
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"hmm, Maybe I should just get into posting gory pics, scalp some def leppard tix and figure out some funny names for porno movies - That will shed my callow and immature ways."

hmmm, as a guy who likes posting gory pictures and making up funny names for porno movies....... I guess yer calling me a loser then.... I'm hurt

What did I ever do to you?

'ere - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 8:40pm
Sleepy Sludgeguzzler
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Nickelback Sucks? Since When?

Oh yeah, Nickelback sucks so much, that's why they sell MILLIONS OF RECORDS A DAY to MILLIONS OF PEOPLE all over the WORLD. You deem their music "generic", but isn't all music generic? A melody, some notes, some lyrics... that's so CLICHE, isn't it? Generic my ASS!

Nickelback, my friends, is a 100% Canadian band, and all you haters can go back to your boring lives where you don't get to go to NICKELBACK CONCERTS like those of us who actually appreciate good music. Those of us who love Nickelback will be ROCKING THE CAZBA, AKA THE SAVE-ON-FOODS CENTRE, with our arms in the air, waving them around because we JUST WON'T CARE what you and your pony-riding friends think.

YOU CAN'T SAY NICKELBACK SUCKS. Music is a subjective experience. I say Nickelback does not suck because my perception of Nickelback SAYS that they do not suck, that they are in fact the opposite of suckedness and that they consistently deliver pure, unadulterated bliss.

Nickelback rocks my cazba, they rock many comic book heros' cazbas, and they would rock your cazba too if you just opened up your mind and let yourself experience their music with no preconceived notions that they "suck", or that they're bad, or that they suck or whatever.

Whatever, man. If you say Nickelback sucks, you obviously don't know Nickelback. They worked hard to bridge the gap between rock music and grunge music. Nickelback took what Nirvana did and made it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE. If Kurt Cobain were alive today, he'd be on 604 Records, sucking Chad Kroeger's six big dicks for the chance to OPEN for the band that took what Nirvana did and made it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE.

So here's my response to Brand X Media and your ridiculous essay storybook writing contest: BRAND X MEDIA SHOULD GET A GRIP AND STOP WHINING ABOUT THE BEST CANADIAN BAND SINCE THE GUESS WHO!!!!! - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 9:05pm
k8
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hahahaha, that post was gold - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 9:48pm
The One After Two
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thank you for the above post.

" (...) worked hard to bridge the gap between rock music and grunge music."

That was my favorite part.

Nickelback does indeed sell billions of records. McDonald's has sold billions of hamburgers. Both delicious but vegitarians will make fun of you and call you a fat fuck. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 10:00pm
The Admirial
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I would have to say my favorite part was finding out how many "cazba's" Nickelback have or could rock. Also six dicks? thats amazing. Maybe I'm too narrowminded and should go experiance "the opposite of suckedness". Because I can't say I've heard a Nickelback song I like.

"Nickelback took what Nirvana did and made it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE."

Dont you mean BORING, CORPORATE, MORE MAINSTREAM AND MORE... well I cant really think of any more ways to desrcibe it. I guess I could say "More Suckedness". - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 10:17pm
Pennybottom
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It's one thing to say a band sux, but it's another to write an article that will go public on why a band sucks. I'm no fan but I've heard alot worse on the radio. Nickleback is getting real paid. Call em sellouts if you will, I call it an intelligent business plan. Now go cash your paycheck and get drunk, then starve until next payday. That is hardcore. lmfao!! Artistic merit. HAAAAAA!!! - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 10:38pm
denver
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I read the first few posts of this
and then the one comparing cobain
to nickelback and i cried.
More PURE than nirvana? there isn't
such a thing. - Thu, 4 Aug 2005 10:57pm
Brandon
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"YOU CAN'T SAY NICKELBACK SUCKS. Music is a subjective experience."

WOAH WOAH WOAH, lemme re-think my position on this issue for a second, bottome line..... nickleback is SHIT.

"I say Nickelback does not suck because my perception of Nickelback SAYS that they do not suck, that they are in fact the opposite of suckedness and that they consistently deliver pure, unadulterated bliss."

What they keep delivering is shit. Who's ordering you might ask??? Shiteating shitheads who pay to get crammed full of it because someone wants to make you think you know shit when in reality you just play along with everyone and pretend to like this shit because you need to be spoon fed your music. Hows that for a run-on sentance? Your "unique" hard-as-fuck nickleback edge aint shit.

PS is unadulterated bliss kind of an oxymoron? - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 2:29pm
_Griphin_
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I noticed this:

The Admital jots: "Nickelback took what Nirvana did and made it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE." Ummm... more like Nickelback stole what Nirvana did. They didn't make it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE." Then again, it seems a lot of bands copied Nirvana (err... Kurt Cobain) in the way they write music. Verse Chorus Verse works really well!

Better then Nirvana? And... how much crack you been smoking? - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 4:41pm
420
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I'm 99.9999% sure that kurt cobain didn't invent verse chorus verse. someone else did atleast 50 years prior.
kurt even mocks himself, he wrote the song ,verse chorus verse'.
nickleback is nothing like nirvana period, and anyone who wastes there time writing and responding to the brandx thing is a bigger loser than chad kroger.

now i must go listen to 'Bleach'

after that i'm going to crank out the 'opiate' by Tool.






blunt brother - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 5:59pm
The Admirial
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_Griphin_ ,

Fortunately "Nickelback took what Nirvana did and made it BETTER, CATCHIER, MORE MELODIC AND MORE PURE."

were not my own words...They're directly from Sleepy Sludgeguzzler's post. - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 6:25pm
The One After Two
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Hey Guys, slow down.

Sleepy Sludgeguzzler's post is most probably a joke designed to inflame all LiveViccian's hemroids.

Brandon, not all Nickelback fans are "Shiteating shitheads." Thats a dumb thing to say. - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 7:43pm
Armchair Cynics
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Oh get over you little indy underground street cred little selves and complain about someting that matters...


-Adam - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 10:05pm
alain
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It's become so cliche to hate Nickelback. It's like hating George W Bush. It's so damn easy. There are still enough people to keep Nickelback making music and Bush in the Whitehouse. It's unfortunate, but these posts won't convince people of either, they'll just put more distance between the two (you may like that though). It's been mentioned that this is publicity for Nickelback, and it's true, and I feel lame for posting, as I'm just feeding the flames. It's true, all publicity is good publicity. So don't go around talking about how much you hate Nickelback, it's too trendy. Know that they're bad, keep it to yourself, and hope that not fueling the publicity machine helps kill them off. They will be gone soon, I'm sure of it. Trust me, the Cynics are taking their place :P We'll have to start more Cynics Suck: Short Story posts, and they'll be glad to have you make them big :)

Bang Bang (I'm jealous as hell) - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 10:16pm
Himalayan Bear
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" "I don't care for nickleback much at all, but you'll never here my slag the shit out of bands cause i don't like what they do. "
I get it you don't slag bands just people like Jesse?" - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 11:54pm
Himalayan Bear
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" "um. I think that's kind of what Brand X is about"

Obviously not, if they're holding a contest slagging a band...

"Creativity holds merit"

I'm sure there's a lot of merit in doing something as uncreative as slagging Nickelback... - Thu, 4 Aug 6:28pm "

and I quote. - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 11:55pm
Himalayan Bear
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VArmchair Cynics "Oh get over you little indy underground street cred little selves and complain about someting that matters..."

I thought this one definitely needed to be said twice. - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 11:57pm
Himalayan Bear
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oh just I think me get over me little self write on now ok?
yum. - Fri, 5 Aug 2005 11:59pm
ROSS B AY
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Everybody knows Nickelback rules, and furthermore, if you disagree with me I'll fight you over it and remove some of your fucking teeth. They rule that much to me, I'm willing to do that. Fuck do they ever rule. How'd they get so good? - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 7:12am
Gman
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"Oh get over you little indy underground street cred little selves and complain about someting that matters..."

Welcome to the Internet! Enjoy your stay!

(... or are you just bitter because you're posting on LiveVictoria at 10PM on a Friday night instead of out rockin' to your fans?) - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 9:12am
Pubert
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has anyone actually gone to brandxmedia.ca to read about the contest? it's just a funny way to win tickets to this years' halloween hootenany. quit being a bunch of uptight shitheads. if you don't think it's funny, then don't write an essay. adam from armchair cynics is just mad 'cause he's instantly disqualified for being buddies with 'the kroeg'. shame on you, you sell out DINK. me, on the other hand is gonna win this contest and get MY free tickets so i can SPEND MORE MONEY ON BOOZE AND ACT LIKE A FUCKHEAD. by the way, i can't get over how a site like this has no problem showing snuff films (like that guy who shoots himself in the head in some interrogation room) and then gets all pissed off about a joke contest that jesse made up for his site. it just proves the point that i always make - people are really, really stupid. get over yourselves, you jack-asses! and another thing, brandx has been nothing but supportive of the local scene, so to call jesse an asshole for this contest is ridiculous.

whacka whacka whacka - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 11:46am
J
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i want chad's hair... so wavy... i wanna be nickelback... is there a contest where i can be the next nickelback? or, like, a show where i can be like chad???


(you suck if you post after this) - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 12:11pm
pubert
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whacka - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 2:41pm
ENIGMATICA ENTERTAINMENT
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Although I'm indifferent about the contest Brandxmedia.ca is an awesome web site. And Jesse's graphic design work is second to none.

Peace - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 5:26pm
The One After Two
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no wait... you suck if you post after this post!

word. - Sat, 6 Aug 2005 5:32pm
Brendan
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I suck. But Chad and Jesse both already know that. It's funny how two people with completley different lifestyles/opinions can agree on something so trivial! - Sun, 7 Aug 2005 2:24am
Mandroid
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Ok, you know what. Pubert wins the post. Everyone else shut up. - Sun, 7 Aug 2005 3:11am
lonemonk
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I think Sleepy Sludgeguzzler IS chad kroger (aka. The Kroge) - Mon, 8 Aug 2005 1:24pm
pubert
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uh.. that's 'the kroeg', not the kroge. GET IT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHACKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHACKA!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!WHACKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Mon, 8 Aug 2005 7:02pm
Dusty
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If there's a bad Nickelback joke I haven't heard it...by the way if I paid five cents to hear those clowns play I'd certainly want my nickel back. - Mon, 8 Aug 2005 11:42pm
fly on the wall
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well Just cuz Adam isnt into the contest doesn't mean that fellow band mate RYAN RAE can't sneak in on the fun ! - Mon, 8 Aug 2005 11:42pm
Pubert
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fuck you, brandx!
fuck all 'yall
whacka - Tue, 9 Aug 2005 7:48pm
The Admirial
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I just remembered this...anyone read the winner?
http://www.brandxmedia.ca/nickelbackstory.htm - Mon, 14 Nov 2005 9:18pm
wanless
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That was by far one of the more entertaining things i have ever read. For about half of the story i thought that it was actually true, cause I could see a guy like chad krueger doing something like that.
Thanks for the update - Mon, 14 Nov 2005 9:55pm
Christopher Walken
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That was a great story. I tip my hat. - Mon, 14 Nov 2005 10:36pm
Detroit Velvet Smooth
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that was the winner, stupid story, stupid contest, stupid website(brandx 'i have no job just a computer' media) get a life. go lock your self in you room and play your gay cold play album again. - Tue, 15 Nov 2005 10:39am
\m/
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Boo Hoo. Stop your whining. - Tue, 15 Nov 2005 10:59am
Brandon
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Wow DVS you amaze me.

Quote from an earlier DVS post: "I don't care for nickleback much at all, but you'll never here my slag the shit out of bands cause i don't like what they do."

"Go listen to your gay coldplay album" sounds like a slag to me.

So does "stupid website(brandx 'i have no job just a computer' media) get a life"

So one would have to assume that its only people you slag when you dont like what they do. Bands you'll slag only sometimes.

Makes me wonder who you've been buying your crack from. - Tue, 15 Nov 2005 12:21pm
XY-SATAN
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Wha tha fak ? Don't tell me I've lost another crack whore customer ?

I blame Nickelback……


……and that evil killer munchkin at BRAND X MEDIA !
You’ll be talkin to my LAW whore over this one .


Psst… I hear he killed a man in Reno , just to watch him die . - Tue, 15 Nov 2005 4:37pm
Destroy_The_Flesh
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Hey Ross Bay ya wanna start a Nickle Sac Cover band?

I get to be the KHEROGERT! - Tue, 15 Nov 2005 6:01pm
Detroit Velvet Smooth
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shut up! cold play isn't a band - Wed, 16 Nov 2005 9:50am
Detroit Velvet Smooth
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BTW i've been gone for over two months and i come back and it's almost all the same threads on this board and it sure is the same 10 people responding to all the shit.

now fuck off i've got hash to sell! - Wed, 16 Nov 2005 9:58am
\m/
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Jesus, you still sound like a fucking baby. Your posts have to be by far the lamest and trite bitching I've seen on this board in some time. - Wed, 16 Nov 2005 11:42am
Brandon
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How the fuck am I supposed to know that, what is it then? One Guitar player canged his name to Cold Play? Does he even play guitar? Tell us oh mighty knower of all things gay. - Wed, 16 Nov 2005 4:29pm
Bastard
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Nickelback Sucks - Wed, 16 Nov 2005 8:56pm
Detroit Velvet Smooth
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i haven't been called jesus since nazareth and yes i'm 'trite' it's not easy, you have to put back into it. - Thu, 17 Nov 2005 10:23am
Brand X Jesse
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This is all so much more fun to read than I suspected it would be.

Cheers,
Jesse
http://www.brandxmedia.ca - Thu, 17 Nov 2005 10:54am
Ward Ensemble
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have all the unwitting pawns spoken? - Fri, 18 Nov 2005 1:54pm
Ward Ensemble
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oh, shit...i guess they have now. - Fri, 18 Nov 2005 1:55pm
hesher
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You can't say NIckelback sucks cause that Chad Kroeger guy will go on Much music and whine about how people say they suck. What a joke. Nickel back can eat the peanuts out of my shit. Biatch. - Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:30pm
Brandon
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I hope the peanuts are well digested so they have to sift through it, then locate the tiny fragments and glue em back together. - Sat, 19 Nov 2005 12:28am
ML7Mike
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what a great story.. I especially liked this part:

"Chad Kroeger then stripped me naked, put his foot on my still-sizzling face, unzipped his Gap(TM) khakis and masturbated all over my breasts. The cook was screaming, "Call ambulance! Call police! Somebody call somebody now! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" - Sat, 19 Nov 2005 12:03pm
ML7Mike
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well he is in Peruke now, theyd be far more suited to jingles I think.. :) - Sat, 19 Nov 2005 7:11pm
i'll cut you
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That story had to be one of the single stupidest things I have ever read. Really moronic. Good on ya, Brand X Media, for featuring such quality writing----- NOT!!! - Sat, 19 Nov 2005 8:36pm
Tits McGee
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Yeah, 'I'll cut you' is right. That story was just plain childish. It was needlessly mean-spirited. I don't even get it, is it suposed to be ironic? - Sun, 20 Nov 2005 3:11am
Ward Ensemble
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dontcha think?
I think the funniest thing about this thread is that despite the fact that only two, maybe three people i have met in the past year admit to liking the band, somehow they are still popular enough to get airtime, and sell albums. So why don't you fuckers come out of the closet already?

So we can find you. - Sun, 20 Nov 2005 5:15pm
wanless
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Good call ward ensamble. My brother just told me he liked them, i was absolutely disgusted by this. He said their new album is good cause its really heavy and has double bass. Although, for his defence he lives in alberta now and that is all nickleback has. But im guessing that since the flames are starting to pick up nickleback fans will cheer for the flames instead of nickleback which will then persuade CHAD to go to some restaraunt, like in the story, to try and be some big shot. Maybe its a look into the future.

OH and that story is brilliant, nickleback suck, they are also fucking egotistical and think they are king shit. This coming from a guy who met the band numerous amouts of times before they were big - Sun, 20 Nov 2005 9:39pm
beerlover
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does any band suck that can write songs that rate number one in north america. I think not because some people dont like the style of music [dont make it shitty] if you think nickleback cant sing, try and duplicate it .Listen to there voices near perfect pitch Im sure the people who think nickleback has know talent are just a wee bit jealous, because they found a style [as simple as it is] ,and thats the secret all great music its simple and catchy tunes.There are bands in this town probably as good and maybe better , but are they ready to put the effort in like nickleback has. Its a feat in it self just trying to keep a band together.And its closed mind thinking and putting the cart before the horse that stopps most bands from succeeding, so many bands even famous bands that started out simple [and improved] ever herd the beatles first recordings. Im not saying nickleback can compare to the beatles ,but the beatles music and much of there first stuff wasnt even there own, so give credit where credit is do if you think nickleback sucks then try and do better - Thu, 1 Dec 2005 2:31pm
Brandon
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ever heard of a auto tuner? I dont doubt they use em, they are the backstreet boys of shit rock. - Thu, 1 Dec 2005 4:36pm
pubert
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i have a feeling that 'beerlover' only drinks .5% beer and is 32 and has sex with his mom. that can be the only logical reason why he is defending nickelback.
(whacka) - Thu, 1 Dec 2005 6:14pm
lonemonk
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Beerlover might be 'The Kroeg' himself, who knows? I hear he likes beer after-all. (Shitty beer though with Molson sponsering his life..) - Fri, 2 Dec 2005 9:11am
Tyler
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I only read the first three replies to this thread. anyway I saw this on the brandxmedia site before seeing it linked here. the story is HILARIOUS. I died laughing. sooo funny. - Fri, 2 Dec 2005 10:05am
Pierce
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beerlover. Spell Check. Grammar Check. 2 great tools which can help you not sound like a complete goof. - Fri, 2 Dec 2005 1:48pm
beerlover
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NO YOUR MOMMA PUBERT [SON] I FINALLY FOUND YOU - Sun, 4 Dec 2005 2:03pm
\m/
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Best (and stupidest) thread in the history of this site. At least now I know of all the 'in the closet' Nickelback Fans' - Sat, 31 Dec 2005 3:00am
i'll cut you
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i love you. - Sun, 1 Jan 2006 6:02pm
SublimeKid
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Nickelback are to the Indie Music Scene
as The Antichrist is to Christianity.

Get over it. They are gonna keep writing single hits that make more in a week than most indie bands make in their career.

So what if a lot of their songs sound the same. Every band have at least a few songs that sound similar (if they are even around long enough to do so), save for a few bands.

The bottom line is they figured out a song writing formula that works for them and have stuck to it. If you don't like it good. Don't listen to them. Go support a band that actually needs your support.

ps. There are a lot more shitty indie bands than there are commercial or mainstream. If you have time to flame Nickelback go wade through the cesspool that is becoming myspace music. I'm sure you could hold another 60,000+ essay contests. - Mon, 2 Jan 2006 11:01pm
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