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Metal heroes!
| Message Board > Found on the web > Metal heroes! |
| Rachel User Info... | This is the situation: there's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the story with different styles of metalheads as knights. POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest. TRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her. HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess. FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave....without the princess. VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving. DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves. BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon. GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time. DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story. PROGRESIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist. GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color. NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 10:55am | ||
| Tragedy User Info... | AAH!! I LOVE it!! I'd be looking for the heavy metal protagonist too. Old habits die hard. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 11:16am | ||
| ML7Mike User Info... |  | ||
| Sati User Info... | haha, yeah, wait til it show up on bloodred.. i'm sure there'll be a few more spins added! - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 11:50am | ||
| The One After Two User Info... | Victoria Metal Hero: After getting lost for twenty minutes b/c it dark and raining and the streets don't match up. Our hero walks up to Craigdarroch Castle and uses a combination of Tai-Chi and Yoga to subdue the Dragon. Rocks the bong and throws the Princess on the back of his scooter and rides off into the fog. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 1:51pm | ||
| ML7Mike User Info... | haha Sati thats where I was gonna put it too :D you go ahead! - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 2:29pm | ||
| Luc User Info... | That shit is fucking hilarious!! Everytime I think it couldn't get worse and volatile IT DOES!!! Gotta love the goremetal by far the best one - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 4:41pm | ||
| Masturbating The War God User Info... | Gore metal fucking HANDS DOWN! Ahaha, burns it then fucks it the last time, too funny. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 4:53pm | ||
| Nik Olaz User Info... | hilarious. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 5:42pm | ||
| Dr.DoomXXX User Info... | Murder Metal: Macabre hangs out not knowing what's happening 'til the dragon kills and eats the princess. Then when it hits the news they go into the studio and write grusome detailed songs about the murder of the princess and indictment of the dragon. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 5:47pm | ||
| Sati User Info... | ML7Mike - me? But.. but.. but all my knights are over there! You're just hoping I'll add something bitchy. cackle. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 5:56pm | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | "rocks the bong". that's some fuckin funny, funny shit. - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 6:06pm | ||
| Sati User Info... | I'm still confused picturing all the Victoria metalheads doing tai chi and yoga! - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 6:09pm | ||
| ML7Mike User Info... | not me! the bong part tho.. and maybe some faux Kung Fu movie acting! - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 9:05pm | ||
| Das_Golems User Info... | Haha. thats some great shit! Gore metal and death metal!!!! that would be the best! - Mon, 20 Dec 2004 11:41pm | ||
| The One After Two User Info... | SCREAMO METAL: The protagonist feels the hole in his soul at the lose of his true love the princess... but the hurt keeps building inside... REMEMBERING THE THE TIME SHE SLEPT WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, HE FEELS LIKE A DRAGON ALL WANTING TO TEAR HER APART... but that first kiss they shared was so tender... The dragon and princess get bored and take all their screamo records to Lyles place and trade them for a case of Lucky and a Sabbath record. The protagonist meanwhile, remains a virgin and still likes to draw dragons in his lyric book. - Tue, 21 Dec 2004 2:56am | ||
| Death's Head User Info... | haha fucking brilliant i haven't laughed that hard since bush got re-elected, well done. but i think the real victoria metal hero would do something similar to this: shows up at the castle 4 hours late to find the dragon cooking the princess over an open fire. he sits down beside the dragon and splits a 12 pack of lucky and lights up a few joints. they get the munchies and feast on the princess's medium-rare cooked remains laughing un-controlabley. Bored and burning out they decide to stumble around downtown in a drunken haze dropping in at all the bars that won't cut them off. - Tue, 21 Dec 2004 3:20pm | ||
| The One After Two User Info... | nice :) - Tue, 21 Dec 2004 7:54pm | ||
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