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Annoying things bands do
| Message Board > Found on the web > Annoying things bands do |
| Livevic Scott User Info... | I got this off a website for a venue called The Creepy Crawl in St Louis. It's awsome because I hate ALL of these things =) Top 37 Annoying Things That Bands Do 1. Bands that feel compelled to bang on their drums and guitars in an annoying display of lack of talent before the doors open. Usually this occurs when we are trying to talk to someone on the phone or give instructions to employees. There is a place for this type of behavior, its called your basement. 2. Out of town bands that show up and say "We decided to bring another band with us, don't worry, they just need gas money and pizza." 3. Out of town bands that watch you order their pizzas with "the works" and after they arrive tell you "Oh, we're all vegetarians, can we get buy-outs instead?" 4. Local bands with managers. 5. Local bands that have a girlfriend as their manager (Can you say annoying pain in the ass?). This usually marks the beginning of the end for most bands at the Creepy. 6. Bands that bring their own "personal" sound-tech. After seeing him try to operate the soundboard for 5 minutes the house soundman concludes that this guy has absolutely no clue how to operate a PA. Accordingly, the band sounds like total shit. 7. Bands that have more roadies than band members. 8. Bands that spell their names with a strange spelling twist e.g., junkeez, katz etc. After meeting the band, however, we are left with the impression that they didn't intentionally try and spell their name with a twist but rather they just don't know how to spell. 9. The out of town band that was lucky to get the gig, brought absolutely nobody and bitched all night long about their time slot when being paid out $50 in gas money asks "Is this the best you can do?" 10. Bands that arrive and state that they talked to someone at the club and were told they get to play 3rd at 10:30 and can play for an hour. When asked the name of the person they talked to they suddenly forget their name but are sure they talked to "someone". 11. Bands who all arrive at the same time but no one is willing to play first. Subsequently the show doesn't start until 11:30 and everyone has 10 minute sets. 12. Top 3 signs that the band will bring no one to the show - 1) 2 Weeks before the show they say "We're gonna pack your place!" - 2) 1 Week before the show they ask - "What's your capacity?" - 3) Upon arriving they ask "So how many people do YOU usually get on a Wednesday night?" 13. Bands who draw is so bad that even their guests don't show up. 14. Bands who have no guests because they no friends. 15. Bands who bring absolutely no one to their first gig and then call back relentlessly to ask for another show and can't understand why they haven't gotten asked back. That's fine, we don't have to eat this month and we really dig watching you guys rock out to our empty club. Bands who fit this category don't need to bother calling because the booking guy will always be away whenever you call. 16. Bands who after drawing no one at the end of the night apologize by saying, "geez, we booked ourselves at the Hi-Pointe last night after you booked us and we told all our friends to go to that show, that's probably why no one came tonight. BTW, when do you think we can play here again?" (Note: see above for our response). 17. Bands who pester you to book their bands "side-project". Side-project is another name for self-indulgent crap so embarringsly bad they can't dignify it with a name and gives them a cover why none of their friends will come see them "perform". (Would you go see your friend masturbate if he asked you to come watch?). Note to bands: think of your project as a project never to get booked again. 18. Bands who show up wearing "All Access" laminates around their neck. (Note to these bands: We honor these laminates for the bathroom and parking lot areas only.) I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up but you don't see me walking around wearing a spacesuit at the club. We're convinced these people are recovering air guitar addicts from the 80's. 19. Bands who right before their set ask to play without a PA so it won't be deducted from their pay. (This has actually happened before). Sure, we'll just ask the sound guy to go home for a 1/2 hour. 20. Bands that want to play in front or the side of the stage. 21. Bands that suck and then ask if you'll swap them out a shirt. You know, our shirts actually cost us money and I really doubt anyone at the club wants to wear your shirt. How about if we swap stickers and call it even? 22. Band members that ask in a nasally voice for a soda or water before the doors are open. Usually this occurs when your in the middle of doing something important like counting down the drawer or talking to a booking agent on the phone about a future show. You can fucking wait!!! 23. Band members who walk behind the bar to ask for a soda or water. Band members run severe risk of bodily injury when this occurs. 24. Bands that ask to use our phone line so they can check their email. Subsequently you have to kick them off 20 minutes later as they have suddenly decided to cruise the entire Internet. 25. Out of town bands that show up at 1:30 in the afternoon while you're doing work at the club. They then want to hang out with you all day and ask endlessly annoying questions while you work. 26. Bands who when you tell them they have 1 more song left because they're running late into their set decide to play a 45 minute opus full of self-absorbed guitar solos covering in its entirety side 2 of Pink Floyds' Dark Side of The Moon. 27. Bands that pester you constantly to open for a particular touring band because they swear they worship them and are the guiding light of their musical lives. On the day of the show and after you told them sorry but the show was already filled up they don't even bother to come to the show. However, someone at the show reports hearing they decided to catch the Urge at the Pageant instead. 28. Bands that cancel playing on the day of the show because even though you've had them booked for 2 months it wasn't until yesterday that someone in the band decided maybe then was a good time to try and ask off work. 29. Bands that can't play longer than a 15 minute set. 30. Bands that give big lectures on stage about how important it is to support "the scene" but at the end of their set want to get paid ASAP and don't want to wait until the other bands get done. 31. Bands that bitch and beg to play a longer 45-50 minute set. They do this knowing everyone else only gets a 1/2 hour slot. We finally relent and rework the whole show to accomodate them and they still wind up playing the same rush-through-it-because-we're-dipfucks 23 minute set they play every other night they play. Apparently they live in a different time dimension than eveyone else on the planet. They thank you profusely at the end of the set for letting them "headline" for their fans but we make sure they buy us and everyone around us shots at full price. 32. Bands that keep asking to let us let them "set up" a show. These requests usually come from bands that can't even show up on time for their own gig and no matter how many times you told them what time they go on their is always one member of the band who doesn't get the message and totally fucks up the band schedule for the whole night. However, they have somehow convinced themselves that if we let them book a whole night this will somehow be the secret to their success. 99.9999% of the time when we actually allow a band to actually do this it turns into a giant clusteruck where half the bands they claim will be playing don't show up and the other half show up bitching about how they are supposed to be headlining. 33 - 37: Bands that don't correctly understand the definition of these terms - Load-In Time CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 from that time they may attempt to enter the premises and inquire about loading in of their gear. If they by chance happen to arrive early they can occupy themselves with other activities to fill in the time, such as: visit the library, worship at a local church or synagogue or beating up the homeless guy living in the dumpster. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: If a band has a load-in time of say 6:30 they arrive at 1:45 in the afternoon and knock incessantly on the back door. Usually they knock while the owner is in the basement knee-deep in standing shit working with a plumber to fix a leaking drain pipe. After trudging all the way upstairs to find 5 snot nosed kids asking if they can load-in now (and hang out all day) they are politely told to fuck off and come back at 6:30. Promoter CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who actively works to promote a show. They promote by distributing flyers, plugging the show wherever they can and trying to get as many people as possible to come to the show. If they have an out of town booked on the show they take financial responsibilty to ensure they get paid and are taken care of in whatever way they need. They also take charge in organizing the show and making sure all the bands know when they are scheduled to play and how the money works for getting paid. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who after asking repeatedly to put on a show does the following 1) fails to promote show in any way 2) fails to communicate any show details like lineup or order of the bands to the club (or the bands) 3) makes themselves very scarce at the show , assuming they show up (they sometimes make a pathetic phone call just before doors to say they've just contracted a rare disease called pussyitis and to please take care of the out of town band). If they do show up and when questioned about things like band order, who's taking care of the bands etc. only respond with a blank stare. Gas Money: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Gas Money is a term used to designate an amount of money to get a touring band to their next show. It sometimes includes a little more than that so they buy themselves some fast-food on their way or if their lucky enough to cover a room at a Motel 6. Generally gas money would be considered anything from $30 to $75 and depends on how well the show goes. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: $200 is not gas money. $200 is we're partying all night on the East Side and getting privates at Roxy's for everyone in the band. Touring Band: CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: This is a band that is engaged on a "tour". They come to the Creepy Crawl while on their tour and often come from far away places such as the far corners of the country, Canada, Europe or Asia. They are on the road for extended periods of time, sometimes for several months at a time, in a van or bus and experience many new places along their journey. These bands are always entitled to at least gas money or more. INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: Driving up from Festus does not make you a touring band. A "Following": CORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" is a collection of fans that attend the performances of a particular band. This is what bands try to develop to get ahead in the business and grow over time and is a measure of their general popularity. The larger a bands following generally means they will be booked more often and on better nights at the Creepy Crawl INCORRECT UNDERSTANDING: A "following" does not mean all the people that attended The Queens of The Stone Age show you opened for to cover the cancellation of a last minute contractual local opener counts as your bands following (perhaps the rush to the bar by the entire club and club staff when you started playing was an indicator). And, yes, this means the Jager girls at the club that night probably didn't come to see you and probably won't be following you to your next show. - Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:51am | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | But...these are the best things about being in a band, man... - Thu, 15 Jan 2004 12:44pm | ||
| SATAN User Info... | sound like some ppl I've met. " UNDERSTANDING: This is a person who after asking repeatedly to put on a show does the following 1) fails to promote show in any way 2) fails to communicate any show details like lineup or order of the bands to the club (or the bands) 3) makes themselves very scarce at the show , assuming they show up (they sometimes make a pathetic phone call just before doors to say they've just contracted a rare disease called pussyitis and to please take care of the out of town band). If they do show up and when questioned about things like band order, who's taking care of the bands etc. only respond with a blank stare." - Thu, 15 Jan 2004 8:41pm | ||
| _Griphin_ User Info... | Heh... and I think to myself, is this the way many INDependant bands act? - Thu, 15 Jan 2004 9:15pm | ||
| Kickback User Info... | 11. Bands who all arrive at the same time but no one is willing to play first. Subsequently the show doesn't start until 11:30 and everyone has 10 minute sets it's so funny and so true. - Thu, 15 Jan 2004 10:06pm | ||
| KnifeGhost User Info... | Holy shit.... People in bands are idiots...... I'll print this off and always carry it with me.... Before I ever talk to the manager at a club, I'll consult its wisdom.... - Sun, 18 Jan 2004 7:20pm | ||
| Demen Ted User Info... | 29. Bands that can't play longer than a 15 minute set. Fatal error all the way! 8 songs/15 minutes... pretty cool, eh? hahaha - Mon, 19 Jan 2004 1:54am | ||
| wee User Info... | 4. Local bands with managers. i find this one particularly amusing, considering the percentage of the local "talent" who utilize managers. even more amusing is the fact that someone who "manages" a band is often devoid of any musical talent, but they so badly want to be in on the action that they become the manager. - Mon, 19 Jan 2004 7:38am | ||
| _Griphin_ User Info... | Anyone can manage, but very few can do it correctly. - Mon, 19 Jan 2004 7:45am | ||
| Brandon User Info... | whats the percentage of local bands with managers? - Tue, 20 Jan 2004 10:10am | ||
| ROSS B AY User Info... | 9.776509 - Tue, 20 Jan 2004 12:12pm | ||
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